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As originally published on Tuba News. Curmudgeon's Confessions appeared first on Roger Bobo's web site, and was later published on Tuba News.
What does one say in defence of the euphonium when, normally faced with ignorance from the general populus, gets attacked from within the ranks of the faithful? I have to confess to be fairly shocked by Roger Bobo's article on tuba news (visit Tuba News to read Roger's original article) but, knowing him as I do and respecting his musical credentials he is entitled to voice whatever opinions he chooses to hold. Had the article come from a disaffected high school student we could all have told him or her to think again, grow up a bit and in particular, go and hear the euphonium played very well before you express such distain for the sound of the euphonium. When the writer is very grown up one has to examine carefully the actual message contained within and also the motivation for saying such things.
Roger and I have had a little communication on the subject since his 'confession' and so he knows my feeling and now it is time to share them with you all.
The euphonium faces serious charges; it is being accused of being too 'pretty', a serial offender by all accounts. Not like a mass murderer you understand but more like a serial 'do- gooder', knowingly making a beautiful sound , by design and by command of the original naming on the instrument in the first place. So these crimes clearly go back over 150 years and the court must take into account the longevity of the crime spree before sentencing.
Furthermore it is accused of 'a lack of dynamic elasticity', a new crime invented for the purpose of the trial. Acting alone the euphonium could not be found capable of such a crime for alone in the witness stand it seems strangely quiet. He must have an accomplice and they must be found quickly. A new crime of being hard to play well was added too, much to the relief of the select professional players and teachers in the world who saw some glimmer of good coming out of the trial and that they could be in further demand once the trial was over.
The first witness called by the defence is a rather a large group of people, in fact about fifty were selected from several hundred thousand who had heard the euphonium played extraordinarily well in concerts and on recordings. The prosecutions assessment that they were all in a state of delusion was correctly rejected and their evidence was accepted.
I summarise: many confessed to have never having heard the euphonium before and in fact attended the concert out of loyalty to the accompanying ensemble, the concert series or because someone they were physically attracted to someone who might also be there. They all admitted curiosity at the first sight of the instrument, was it a kind of baby tuba? a bit like a baritone..fat french horn..! etc but were immediately captivated by the warm tone and vocal characteristics. It soared to the highest and lowest notes imaginable yet always seemed to retain its essentially human characteristics. When it played fast it seemed to defy belief at times yet seemed so much clearer than one normally associates with a tuba. When it played a beautiful melody it also melted the heart and even caused a tear in some of the witnesses spoken to. Such occurrences are usually associated more with audiences at more classical concerts surely and when the instrument is played with a bow with the instrument positioned either under the chin or between the legs. How come all these people were witnessing such a phenomena for the first time. Good question indeed from the defence witnesses but, they are not the ones to be asking the questions, more discipline in the court please. More comments were received about the instrument saying 'it seemed to be an extension of the player, it seemed to respond perfectly to the players commands, and it was like a voice'. Powerful sentiments indeed but will the court be persuaded by such emotional drivel?
At this point should be raised the issue of 'prettiness' itself and it might seem that it is something which on the one hand is something to be strived for in many aspects of life and quite simultaneously be considered as a mild insult, in a similar way that a musical performance could be described as 'nice, unforgettable, unique or individual'. Somehow a lack of depth or profundity is associated with the word pretty but as this is the expression used on the charge sheet we will have to use this alongside the defence's suggestion of the word beautiful (from a Greek work apparently!). Consider these options A} prettiness, beauty or B) roughness, ugliness when applied to the following: wine , women , song , clothes, cars, flowers, holidays, a meal for two. You see the defence accepts that variety is the spice of life and indeed it is only by the occasional experience of the B) that we appreciate A) more. Our first witnesses, still enthused by their testimony to the court went on to confirm the above and contrasted the impression made by the euphonium to other more well known brass instruments (and their performers).
The second group of witnesses ushered into the court was an array of performers who had been summoned by the judge to explain how such charges could be brought against the plaintiff who seemed to be sitting motionless inside a black leather gig bag. Where they all responsible for this? The first to speak from the group was 18 years old. He seemed well meaning but not aware of the seriousness of the crime. He had been taught by a trombone player for three years and then auditioned for the local university when he was now beginning his studies with a tuba player. He neither owned his own instrument (was borrowing one, named for the purpose of the court at YEP321S) or owned any original music. His old teacher had photocopied some tuba studies and two old cornet solos by a Mr.H.Clarke and his new teacher had given him a big new piece by a foreign-sounding Mr.Horovitz. More than that he couldn't say much except he wanted to be excused as he had to go to marching band practice. He was excused from court, smiling like an innocent man as he left. The second to speak was a brass band performer from England who told the court he loved to play, but only read treble clef and played theme and variation solos and slow melodies as 'that's all people wanted to hear these days'. And because of all the band contests coming up he is just practising the test piece now that's got a top D in it , so could be excused too as he had to go and practice, it was his lunch break from work too. He duly left reading a copy of the British Bandsman as he left. Several other witnesses then spoke, a military bandsman who told the court what he planned to do outside music when he left the band in four years time; a peripatetic brass teacher who complained about the quality of student instruments, lack of money and resources and how you couldn't get the students to progress in one 20 minute lesson per week; finally a retired player so said that in the old days everything was better. The court was confused. Trombone teachers and tuba teachers who taught the euphonium seemed reluctant to testify it seems for fear of detailed cross examination.
After a long lunch break the court re-convened to listen to the testimony of a historian who interestingly claimed the situation for the euphonium that existed in the world was largely due to a historical accident around 1865 when the final stages of the development of the modern symphony orchestra were taking place. What should have happened, according to our expert, was that the euphonium should have been installed as the bass instrument of the brass section. It was a perfect tonal foundation for the horn and trombone section and a wonderful solo instrument in its own right. The court was hushed as he spoke. 'It just wasn't quite ready you see, another twenty five years with the compensating system arriving and the enlarged bore and bell size and you would have had the perfect brass instrument for the orchestra and you could have featured it a solo instrument like the cello'. The word 'heresy' was muttered from the prosecution. The judge, tired with details and the long lunch, only raised his eyebrow. 'You see, had the euphonium been integrated then, the bass tuba could have been allowed in every now and then when needed and the whole low brass world would be different. You'd have euphonium professors at every performing music conservatory and university in the world, and they could also teach tuba too…couldn't they. Composers from 1880 on could have written euphonium concerti and it should have become one of the most popular brass instruments in the world.' This was too much for one of the prosecution who shouted out 'My Lord…'.. 'Silence', roared the judge now becoming distinctly interested. 'Why haven't we heard this evidence before?' 'I don't know really, you see it doesn't stop there. It seems to make perfect sense that the tonal colour and pitch range of the euphonium makes it the ideal range for brass chamber music. The tuba is often some cumbersome and heavy and dominates the brass quintet unless it is played really well. The tone of the euphonium seems to make it ideal for jazz where is can solo and play bass lines and it seems such a versatile instrument'. The judge then intervened fearing a riot in the courtroom. Clearly the historian was overstepping his subject area.
Finally the judge looked at the euphonium and said 'Well, what do you have to say for yourself?' No response… the counsel for the prosecution smiled and grinned at each other. The judge raised his wooden hammer as if to pass judgement. Suddenly the rear doors of the court opened and in strode a smartly dressed young man who walked to the front looked at the jury. 'With your permission, I'd like to play for you…”
He picked up the instrument and put the euphonium to his lips. There was silence for a few seconds and then he began to play. Soft sounds floated around the court as he played a beautiful folk song. It was just like the voice they'd been told about, but hearing it live was different, the melody rose up to the higher notes and still the warmth of sound emanated around the courtroom. A climatic high Eb with great intensity stunned the audience, before the player began again now with more virtuosity, scales, leaps, huge intervals seemingly effortless too. Our soloist's body moved slightly as if he and the instrument had become one, where the human body and metal had fused. It was uncanny. The jury members were transfixed, stunned. For another twenty minutes the music went on, the back doors of the court was opened to allow in the curious who had been drawn to the sound. Old men wept as the wonderful music enveloped the courtroom. As the performance reached its conclusion the audience rose to its feet, the ovation lasted over five minutes.
The prosecution packed their bags and left almost unnoticed during the applause. The performer gently bowed, put the euphonium back in the leather bag and to cheers from the public gallery and jury members strode out of the court. The judge was smiling and shaking his head in disbelief. He was pleased with the early conclusion of the trial too as he some free time now before the next case (Bobo vs Eb Tuba) comes before the court. The case was over and for the performer there was work to be done. Another gig, another lesson, more music to learn, more people to convince, and other recording to do, another battle to be won. It goes on. And so my friends it must. The performer is you.
Now we are back in reality and some of our biggest critics are closest to us. The only way to convince the doubters is with our music not our words. I try to reach people with my concerts, teaching and recordings. I was not sure whether any words would help here but if these words have stimulated some further thoughts then I'm content. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and practice.